missing boots...big reward, what not to put on your new year's list, and a pitiful pit!

So I might have had just a little pride in thinking I was the kind of girl that always pulls herself up by my boot straps. You know..keep on going, rejoice in the Lord, put on the happy face, deal, stuff it down, do what's right, say what's Godly, live holy, and move forward. oh, and be perfect too.

This year for me has been a personal journey of the painful awareness that all of that has been a sham. a joke. living in my own strength, yeah right! and it's landed me tottering over an edge right into a pit, mostly a pit of fear. A pit that I've known was there, because I've felt the cold mud in my toes more than a time or two, but in my own strength have tried to cling to the top, elbows on the edge, trying to breathe deeply of the fresh air my lungs so longed for.

And, I don't mind sharing what will not be on my new years list, because it's what I prayed for in Dec. of 2009...and trust me when I say, lesson learned! I asked the Lord to go deep, give me more, transform me to look more like Him. and I think I envisioned some sort of a glowing light and peaceful moments, maybe even angels singing in the background, joyfully growing in Him, while leading numerous women's Bible studies. not hardly!! In fact, I have said to the Lord these very words, "DEEP ENOUGH!!" and yesterday I declared that my new resolution this year is that I just want to be fake and pretty! ha

In truth, I know that God knows my heart's desire for more of Him and less of me, and more importantly His own perfect desire for my life, whether or not I put it on my new year's list.

And, I pray that I am learning to trust Him more in this season, in this process. That indeed He is making me look more like His Son. That I will come forth as gold, not by any doing of my own, but because HE promises it. That He will use all things together and work them for my good. That good might look different than I thought. That the path may be hard to walk, but He promises to broaden the path beneath me so that my ankles do not turn! That it's not about me or anything I can muster up, it's all about Him.

And really, that He has hidden my boots on purpose!... it's part of Him going deeper, revealing all the things that I claim and cling to and proclaim from a place of true desire but not daily reality. He is allowing this season which has been filled with many more questions than answers, insecurity, uncertainty, unsettledness, and fear...because of His great love for me.

Because if He allowed me to keep thinking that I can pull these straps up, figure it out in my own understanding, walk in my own strength, always striving to do more, please more, be more, smile more,...I lose. Eventually the straps will snap...or I would..or maybe I already did. And, the glory of the Lord is missed in our lives when we don't acknowledge the empty places and weaknesses that desperately need His filling and strength.

Yes, it is in my places of weakness that I find His glorious strength. That has always sounded good, but I don't know about that fully yet, but I think it's on His list for my new year. Grace made perfect in weakness?... don't really know about that yet either, but I know its on His list for my life in Christ. Joy in His presence not based on any circumstance...don't know enough about that, but want to and He wants me to as well. True freedom in Christ, in every area...on His list too. Some of these things may be on His list for me for the rest of the days I'm here on this earth, because it will be from glory to glory that we will be transformed.

Many months ago as I was falling asleep, I talked to the Lord about my pit, often one filled with fear....and at that time I hadn't even fallen in yet. I told Him that I feel like I live on the side of the wall, aware of the muddy bottom, but most moments able to keep my head and shoulders above the edge, trying to enjoy the daily view, but with arms feeling tired and starting to shake. And wouldn't you know it, the next morning when I opened my Word, I turned exactly to Psalm 40... "I cried out to the Lord, and He heard my cry. And, He turned and answered me, HE LIFTED ME out of the slimy pit. wow.

I wasn't meant to climb out of the pit, boots strapped on, strong arms clawing myself out...wasn't meant to, and clearly not able to either. And, neither am I meant to live clinging to the side of the wall either, fearing the fall....but longing for the fresh air of the surface. So, in His time, I know He will lift me out. He will lift me out!... His doing, His strength, His ways.

So, let me be clear....I still have many days where I'm desperately looking under beds and behind the couch for my stinking boots! Cuz it's what I know to do. Show me the problem, I'll work to fix it. Show me the straps, so I can pull them up and just deal, be on my way, change this because I hate this place!... but truth be told, those old boots weren't made for walking (oh, you know you are thinking that is so good!)

Yes, my feet feel cold, barefooted for sure as I'm still clearly in "a" season, but I am hopeful. That He is shaping a pair for me that will fit just right. That my boots and me will be beautiful in His time, that they will be the perfect fit. That they will allow me to walk on the heights, and maybe even walk alongside someone else in the depths and hold their hand and offer His hope. To walk according to His Word, and walk humbly with my Lord. He is shaping them for me even now...and He is lovingly shaping me.

And, that is amazing grace, unfailing love at it's best..that He doesn't allow any of us to remain the same, but lovingly removes all the things we cling to, that He purposefully "goes deeper" and reveals all that really keep us from running in His fields of grace, breathing deeply of the Spirit's sweet abundance! ahhhhh.

boots and a pit and new year's resolutions...well clearly you see how they could all be in the same post right? :)

the God Who sees me...Who sees you

Remember the story in the Bible where Sarai, Abram's wife couldn't have children, though she desperately wanted them.  So, one day she said to her husband..."Go sleep with Hagar, maybe we can have a family through her."  The Bible says, Abram agreed.  I BET HE DID!!  I mean, seriously, I can imagine him saying,  "Well, honey if you insist!"  

So, Hagar became pregnant and eventually the relationship between her and Sarai became so strained, so ugly, such bitterness and anger that Hagar ran away into the desert.   

In the desert....  alone. mistreated. broken. hurting. needy.   Ever been there?

And, then the Lord.  An angel of the Lord showed up to minister to her needs.  Her very specific needs for that very specific moment.   And Hagar gave this name to the Lord who had spoken to her,

"You are the God Who sees me"

Oh, is that so good.  You are the God who sees what I am going through!  Who sees and knows exactly what I need at this moment.  The God Who is at work to provide a way for me through this desert.  Who promises to walk beside, to be an ever present help in time of need.  

What is your place of need today?  God sees.  Even in the deepest places of brokeness, hurt, fear, uncertainty, tiredness...He sees.  He is your Provider, Deliverer, Stronghold, Peace.  Speak out to Him today those things that He has promised to be for you, and watch for the sweet ways He wants to minister to you.

Ed u ka shun at it's BEST!

Thought I would share a fine home schooling moment, the kind of one that just makes a mama so proud!!!

As Levi was taking the language section of his test...he had to pick the word that best fit into the sentence.  It was something like this...

Last week you ______ to the park. 

go

went

will go

goed 

I couldn't believe it when I watched my son mark the answer "goed".    GOED??????   Seriously, I had to turn my head to keep control from just busting right out laughing.

After the test was over I was like,  Son?  Goed?    I said, "you better Goed to your room now, cuz your gittin a spankin with that kind a ant-sir!!"  

(Just kidding about that...but we did have a good chuckle over it.) 

But hey, you know, you can't get them all right, all the time!!! :)

Letter from our lives...Part Two...known, painful, trusting still!

Hi Friends-

For all of you who have prayed for us over the last week, thank you.  I can honestly tell you that God has faithfully walked us through this time and kept us focused on Him.  Praying for one another is such a privilege, and I am genuinely humbled for those that have lifted us up during our uncertain times this last week. 

Anyway, this morning we heard that the head coaching job at LU had gone to someone else.  It came as quite a surprise, as many things had seemed to line up in Brad's favor.  We clearly have disappointment for what looked like a wonderful opportunity and possible "God" thing.  However, we are resting in the One who has it all in His hands, all the details, the unknown, the hard and the good.

Isaiah 33:6 says,   

He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.  

Here's the good news for those of us who believe....our foundation doesn't change.  It is sure, it is firm.  He is steadfast and trustworthy, and faithful and sovereign. 

And, our lives are not tossed about in boats made by mankind, but float securely in the hands of the One who holds the ocean!!!  ( this thought occurred to me at Sam's today! )  

A rich store house means that His goods don't run out!  You won't go to His store and see a sign, "Sold Out of peace, or joy, or hope... come back tomorrow." His blessings are always available for us, for every moment, every need, every time we ask.   Rich, full, beautiful supply. 

This verse also caught my eye today...

2 Cor. 2:14

But thanks be to God who always LEADS us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. 

So, even in the apparent "loss" of this job we had prayed may be His will....we can trust that He will lead us in triumph, through Christ!  He will!!  

And, just maybe in the midst of where He leads us, by His grace, we will be a beautiful fragrance to those we come across and spread to them the knowledge of Him.  What could be a more wonderful privilege than to "smell" like Him to others,...His goodness, love, kindness, grace, peace.  In the midst of the turmoil of the very world we live in, we desperately need some sweet smelling fragrance.  Pray that for me, I'll pray that for you! :)

As far as the details, we don't know a lot.  Brad and I are still blessed and grateful that God has provided an open door to continue serving along side of Ritchie and Julie in a position at Univ. of VA.  So today we walk forward by faith in Him and not necessarily by sight, watching for the plan to unfold. :)

Blessings and love to all,

Kendra

Letter from our lives...Part One...unknown, hopeful, trusting!

Hi friends-

Well, as I woke up this morning, I felt led to share a few things about where we are in our lives.  I have thought maybe I should wait until we actually know more about what we are actually doing, but decided to share even in the midst of our great unknown.  Of course, many of you know what's going on here at LU,  but some who live away may not have a clue, so to start I will give the brief version of the story.  Listen, get over it now if this turns into my next book, just read and be happy about it!!! :)

To begin with, Ritchie and Julie are leaving Liberty to go up to Charlottesville to serve the new head coach there at UVA.  Many do not understand his decision, as it is leaving a head job to be an assistant.  We understand because we know their hearts after 14 years of serving with them along this path and know that their deepest desire is to bring glory to their Savior. We have together sought Him for peace, direction and what He might be up to in all of this.  We have watched the Lord answer them, and as difficult and painful as it is for them to say good bye to a place they truly love, they are willing to answer and step out in faith.  Please lift them up in this new opportunity that God has put before them.  

In the process of the call He has for them, God has also provided for us a position at UVA.  We are so grateful for that opportunity, esp. in the midst of a job crisis and the craziness of coaching!  Needless to say, the last 4 days have been filled with the ups and downs of big change, emotional moments and the feelings that come with the unknown. Either way for us, our lives we know now and have known for 14 years will change. There is much heartache in that, mixed in with the hope of what is to come. 

So, we are asking the Lord, what do you have for us in this??  Is UVA the open door you have for us?  Wanting to yield, to be willing, to be open and have a listening heart.  Not wanting to be a toe print outside of His good will for us!  I can honestly tell you from the depths of my heart, that is the most important thing to me, to Brad...Lord, what is Your purpose and will in this?   Our greatest joy will come from following His plan for us.  

So, 2 mornings ago, after a night of too many questions, fear, wrestling with the "details" of how our lives were about to change..I woke up to have my time with the One who knows it all and says, "Come into my Presence to be reminded of my goodness and faithfulness to you"!  

I read daily from a book by Ruth Meyers called the 31 Days of Praise.  If you don't have it, seriously it will change your heart towards Him.  Anyway, I sluggishly opened up the book, just hoping that I would be released from the yuck that followed me down the stairs to my chair.  

Day 17 was the day I was on, so I opened and read.  I will type out some excerpts from it....

 Thank you that you have me in the place You want me just now... You've worked all things into Your plan to draw me to Yourself, to mold and bless me, and to bless others through me. THank you that even if I'm here through the ill will or poor judgement of other people, (not the case for us)    All is well, for in Your Sovereign wisdom, You are at work to bring about good results from all those past decisions, past events beyond my control, good results both for me and for others. I'm glad Lord that You are the same today, well able to work things out for us, to turn evil into good.  I stand amazed at the complexity and mystery of Your wisdom. How safe it is for me to trust Your reasons for acting ( or not acting) and Your methods of working!  

Thank you that I can safely commit my location and situation to You!! ( I promise it said location!! :))  I can be "willing for You to shift me anywhere on life's checkerboard, or bury me anywhere in life's garden, gladly yielding myself for You to please Yourself with, anywhere and anyway You choose."  Thank You that I can trust You with my future places...ready to go, ready to stay!!

Is God so good or what?  Ready to go, ready to stay??  Seriously.  Such a timely and specific word for my weary and worrisome heart.  I called Julie right away and we both praised Him for His goodness.

So for today, we are asking the Lord if staying at LU is a possibility.  If Brad could be hired here and take over as a head coach?  He has said that he would love to serve in that role, to be able to continue what the Lord as begun here with these players.  However, in the natural realm it would be quite unlikely!  There will be many other head coaches now who will call to be interviewed.  

Brad has served as an assistant for 14 years, so doesn't have the "head" coach experience, although I have no doubt that God has equipped my husband with amazing gifts of serving others, great leadership, integrity, passion for players and their growth, and a heart that is sold out to please the Lord and bring Him glory.  The players want  him to stay and he has been blessed with the calls of support from others. 

I say all of this to say....with my God, nothing is impossible and He is the Sovereign One who's plans cannot be thwarted. What a peace we have in knowing that.  IF that is His plan for our lives, He will open the door, whether or not it's "likely". He's got it.  He is in control.  When I woke up this morning, He was just as faithful as He has been to us all along.  He has heard our cry for an answer, and we will rejoice whatever that answer is because He is trustworthy.   I can rest in the fact that He is on duty, alert to every detail, working even now!!  Praise the Lord!

Please pray for us during this time of uncertainty.  Please pray His will be done. Please ask the Lord to keep our eyes and hearts on Him.  Our ears open to His still, small voice...He is so good. 

We are hoping to leave for MI this afternoon, and will be gone until next Wed.   

Love to you,

Kendra

(phew...take a break...you deserve it if you read all the way to the end of this thing!!)

Got paint??

Last weekend we had a few very sunny days and it just got me so excited for springtime. To get outside and do yard work, spruce things up a bit you know.   It also got me excited to do something in my house.  Do you ever get that feeling when you  just want to do SOME thing? Clean, or move furniture, or paint or decorate???  

Of course with a "limited with a capital L" budget,...I am always excited to find something to do for cheap. 

So, I found this cute idea to make a plaque for my front door.  It was pretty easy to do, and this link will tell you the step by step directions that I followed.    http://pinkandpolkadot.blogspot.com/2008/10/eat-crow.html

My house is black and white with a red door, so this plaque is just perfect.    I also have wanted to re paint a small kid's rocker that I had sitting on my porch.  So, I used the red from the door and it looks so cute.  The plaque and the rocking chair have just spruced up my front porch a little bit!  A few cheap and fresh touch ups...love that!!

Love is....or is not

So here is something I am learning this week, something tumbling around in my mind, leading me to learn and yield.  And, you know when I'm learning something I have to share it in hopes that someone else will be encouraged as well.   It's just a weakness I have.  :)  
Right now the verse I am learning with my kids is I Cor. 13:4-8a....oh, the so familiar love chapter.  Isn't that only for Valentine's day??

Interestingly enough as we have reviewed that verse together, and I have used it to "remind" them of behavior issues, the Lord has so used it to "remind" me of areas where I have so failed the test of His love in my life.

Two things have waved a huge red flag at me as we have studied these verses!  The first thing that has stuck out to me is "love is not self seeking."  I have said several times to my kids this week, "That is really being self- seeking, isn't it?  Thinking of yourself, selfish gain, self focus, self worry, self thought.....and as I recognize that in my kids, I realize that so much of what I do could be self seeking, and not seeking of other's best interests.  The interest of my Savior, my husband, my kids, my friends....Ouch. 

When I start serving myself, or just plain think about myself too much, my plans, my hurts, my feelings, my wants...that is my first warning sign that I am off track with the Holy Spirit! 

Another part of that section of scripture says, "Love is not easily angered."  How often do I get impatient and frustrated with my children's behavior during the day?  Giving them a poor example of kindness, patience and true love, instead of allowing His love to flow out of my heart. Then, I see the same words and frustrations coming out of them and wonder why? 

Paul says it so wonderfully in Romans....the things I want to do, I don't do!  The things I don't want to do, I do!!  Oh, who can save me from this body of death, thanks be to Jesus Christ!!!  We can be transformed and renewed in our minds.  We can be led by the Spirit and say no to the flesh that rises up.  We can allow His power to flow through us which gives us the courage and ability to obey Him and follow hard after His heart.  We can, because His Word says we can!   

So, for today, another Monday morning already scheduled with much to do....may I yield to the Lord and ask Him to fill me up this morning with His love.  To lay aside selfish gain, or selfish focus, and choose to focus on others. To check my heart throughout the day and say, What is my attitude towards others?  Filled with love and grace, and His heart for them?  Or, just watching for how my needs can be met or my wants fulfilled?    Am I allowing His words to speak life to those around me, or are my words tearing down and causing discouragement with my own frustration?

Thanks be to God, as we ask Him and seek Him first today, He will provide what we need to walk in His kind of love...perfect in every way!  
Let's pray for one another on this journey of wanting to look more like our Saviour everyday!  Encouraging and spurring one another on to love and good works!