New Year...fresh start!

A friend asked me what my resolutions were, you know things I want to do better or different in this new year.

Well, this is what I want in 2009....more of Him, less of me!!  More of His Spirit, daily empowering me to live His way. 

Less of the self centered and fearful and prideful me, more depth of Trusting in His ways and words.  Believing Him more, being renewed and transformed in my mind, being washed in the water of His word. 

in the daily....I want to know how to pray. Reading a book right now by Andrew Murray (1800's)....sooooooo powerful...about learning how to pray. Being a true intercessor, of power and of expecting results through faith.  Teach me to pray this year, Lord!  Your kingdom come, through my prayer, on earth as it is in heaven.  

in the daily...eat less food, better food. not think about food so much.  You know, just careless eating and sometimes purposeful eating to feel better.  Being filled up with Him.  Putting into practice that which I know in my head, but have long since walked out. eating better, feeling better.

in the daily....being home more to be a homemaker.  I am so easily distracted and caught up in doing.  running to target.  busy.  and then my house explodes...and I am stressed.  I want to manage my life better in the daily.  laundry, good meals for family, being available for my kids, time to sit and chat.  not distracted.  I have to choose to be home more (saying no to things i WANT to do!!)... in order to do these things. Fighting the flesh of wanting to go, be somewhere else...and choose to be home.   Seeking Him for what I am supposed to be involved in...can't do it all, Lord, what do you want me to do??

in the daily....exercise.  so i have a stress release in my life.  so i feel better. and maybe squeeze into my jeans that lately have been looking at me funny when i pull them out of the drawer, shaking their head and saying, "nice try"!!! To take better care of my temple.

in the daily....more consistent discipline with homeschool.  It's hard to not feel like I am not doing all that I could/should be doing.  Most home school moms struggle with this feeling.  

Like other things, the things that are temporary distract me from that which is eternal and most important!!  

in the daily...loving my husband with the love of the Father.  Seeing my role in his life as a true help mate.  and sacrificing to make that happen.  And, watching God raise him up to all that He has for him to be!

in the daily....the Lord gave me a specific phrase a few months back that I want to live out better this year.  

"Invest deeply in the lives of others, with a grateful heart and without fear, expectations, or control"    These last 3 things can quickly steal the joy and true love of loving others well. By God's grace. 

just a few things that come to mind....how about you??

'Cuz I know I'm not the only one....

It's not unusual on those busy, rush around to get it all done, piles of laundry waiting to be folded...piles more waiting to be washed kind of weeks....that I end up wearing a pair of socks like this. Mis-matched. But matching with my week.  So, I took a picture of my feet this morning, wearing the socks that I found in my drawer last night.  

'Cuz I know I'm not the only one who has ever done that.  :)

Drooling and a dabbing!

Okay, so it happens to every child in their life time.  No way out of it or around it.  It is a guaranteed sure thing that will occur at some point.  Losing their first tooth! 

So, my youngest has had one just a wiggling for quite some time.  I knew what was coming, I've seen it in my other 2.  Losing a first tooth can be traumatic and scary.  I remember the hesitancy of my others to have it touched, wiggled or even looked at.  Uncertainty about the unknown.

Well, last night it happened. Got so loose that she would not close her mouth, and slobber was just drooling as she dabbed it up with her little cloth. Drooling and a dabbing.. she was afraid with a capital A!  We attempted at one point to "help" her get it out with a little parental power, knowing what a long night it could be if we didn't....but then we felt traumatized, so decided to wait.

I gave her every pep talk and reassurance I could think of.  "Mariah, think of all the people who have lost their teeth, and lived through it!" "This is making room for your big girl teeth!" Her brother and sister also assured her that "nope, it doesn't hurt!"  I continued to remind her that she could trust mom's wisdom and that it would be okay.  To know that as soon as it popped out, it would feel great, she could eat and maybe even earn a buck or two!! (You know the whole tooth fairy thing...)

Well, she didn't budge.  She continued to stay in her miserable position, drooling, dabbing and just crying that she wanted it out, but wouldn't allow us to help! 

Finally, her tongue bumped against it by accident and it was literally laying right on her lip, she could tell it was out.  A few more tears for the shock of it all and then sweet joy!  Smiles were back, food could be eaten, talk without drool....an amazing transformation.  And, she said with a grin, "Mom, now the next one won't be hard at all!"

So, you know I was just thinking to myself about myself.  And, God.  And, how there are so many times when God asks me to trust Him in something, and I am petrified!   And just like I knew as her mama that losing it would benefit her, help her to get to the next stage of big girl teeth...God knows that the things He allows or asks me to release will not harm me, send me over the edge or anything else I fear...but rather cause me to benefit, to grow, to learn from Him.

Phew, I just wonder at the times I have sat there just a crying, drooling, dabbing, and agonizing over something, wanting to do His will, but fearing the unknown.  Causing myself undue pain and misery.  When all along in a whisper voice God was reassuring me that it would be okay. He'd seen it before, I could trust the outcome to Him, I wasn't the first.   How many times have I "protected" something...don't touch, don't wiggle, don't MESS with this!!!  And, the Lord knew that in order for me to go forward, something had to go... be "let" go of to the One in charge.

  

 I know, I know, unlike losing a first tooth...sometimes the "losing" of things in life can be very painful.  Very real.  The loss of our dreams or expectations.  The loss of "self" when He asks us to lay something down.  The list of loss in this world is a long one indeed.

Oh, but I want to get better with every situation the Lord allows in my life...better at trusting Him first. To understand deeper that He is trustworthy, He is faithful, He is unchanging.   To recognize when He is doing a new work, and when something old has got to go.  To be able to say, "This time won't be as hard Lord, because I trust you with the outcome, I've seen you come through before, I know your track record!"

So enough drooling and a dabbing, drooling and a dabbing...help me trust you more, Lord!! Have your way in me!! 

Because she's almost double-digits, y'all!

I know, I know...if I write all this now, what will I save for her actual birthday coming up in less than 2 months??  It's just that she is not going to be 9 for much longer.  And, as I heard at a conference recently, sometimes you want to celebrate the "lasts" of something, instead of always the beginnings. 

Like, when will the last time be that I can  really pick her up under her armpits like I love to do and have her wrap her legs around me?  So far I have promised all my kids that I will always do that, but the truth is she will continue to grow and someday I will weaken.  Plus, I picture running to my own mom now,  having her swing me up, wrapping my legs around her waist....awkward at best, minor injuries at worse! 

So, for these last few weeks of having a 9  year old, I want to soak it in.  Soak in the joy of who my sweet Mikayla is at 9 years and closer to 10 than ever before...

*Her laughter, ringing loud, head tilted back...especially when daddy gets her neck!

*Her compassion for other people is so special to my heart.  God has placed it there for amazing purposes.  Like the time her sister was sick and couldn't go to a game, it just pained her that Mariah might miss out on all the fun. OR when she wonders if her daddy has had a good dinner when he is traveling and away from home.   She cares deeply for others.

*Her love for Christ.  Wanting to get to know Him better, meeting me on the porch early in the morning to be with me and Him.

*Her ability to swim...incredible stroke and form.  A someday Olympian I think if she wanted to become one!

*Her sensitive and discerning heart....wanting to please and choose the right path.  Aware when someone else is hurting.

*Her imagination...creating plays, writing songs, acting make believe...i just love it.  Lemonade stands, sewing classes, Christmas plays in abundance.

*Her love for singing...from the heart, just for fun, sounding so sweet!  Her church choir is so lucky to have her!

*Her desire to be with me.  Always asking to be together, play a game, chat....and I am so thankful that she loves me so very much.

*A true servant's heart....bringing her dad water when he mows, or scratching her brother's head at night.  May she always remember that we are happiest when we are doing something for others. It's true, God said it first.

So, these are just a few things that bless my buns when it comes to my 9 year old daughter. 

God has such incredible plans for her sweet little life and I am so humbled and thankful that He picked me to be her mom.  

Now we need to get planning that party...

When I say she's my favorite....it's not because she's my only one.....

So, the day has come to wish my very favorite sister in all of the world a Happy Birthday. 

No, seriously she has been my favorite for as long as I can remember.  I was 9 years old, and the luckiest girl around when I got my very own "baby" doll to play with!  And, my life has been richer ever since that day in 1979, September 10th to be exact......

I love my sister's heart.....for others especially.  She has a deep compassion to want to help those in need, that I think is deeper than she sometimes even knows.  I believe there will come a day when she will find so many in need, so many who need to hear her words of encouragement that she herself will be amazed.  For now it is in the daily that she does it so beautifully. 

I love my sister's hair...I know I know, after the last "deep" one, how could I be so trivial??  Well, if you could see her hair, even just touch it for one moment you would understand.  It is truly the thickest, perfectly waved/yet not curly, lusciously long hair that you could imagine, that I have seen!!  There are those, whom shall remain nameless, that "long" (get it?)  for such hair, so much so that they would pay to have strands attached for a moment...just to have it flow down their backs like hers does.   She could cut and sell her strands to those considered "thinning" or "less than".  There are days that she might call a "bad" hair day and it's all I can do to look away, knowing that her bad is my dream. So, whatever, felt like I just had to mention it, even though trivial, it's true!! 

I love my sister's strength and willingness to fight.  To persist until she finds the answers that she is looking for.  To use her knowledge to help herself, and to help others. She has endured painful moments in her life, and yet she stands.  Hopeful that someday there will be light in some dark tunnels, choosing to keep on walking until she sees it.  I am proud to call her sister.

She knows I love her laugh, it twinkles like the stars in the sky.  It is a music to my ears that always makes me laugh just hearing it.  She said I said the same about my brother's giggle...but really it doesn't take away from what hers does for others.  It is the icing on the cake....a funny joke, but then her laugh at the end!  Can't describe it in words...like a melody all of its own.

I am amazed at my sister's gifting to write.  I say gifting because I believe there are those who can write when they've taken a class and those who write from down deep in the soul. She is a soul writer.  No, really, you will read her book one day and be blessed.  She has a way of taking stories, weaving them into unforgettable words, and leaving you touched by them.  Gifted indeed.

I love my sister because she is my gift from God.  Hand picked by my heavenly Father...for me.  I wouldn't trade her for anyone else in the world.  I have a life time of memories with her....some laughing until we cried, and some just crying together.  Woven tightly in my heart and cherished sweetly.

I love you Kara Lynn...my best sister and precious friend.  Happy Day!!

To my brother, Mark-us! with love....

My brother is 40. Need I say more??  Well, you know me, and I am not a woman of few words, so I will say more...

I love him.  I love his willingness to always lend a helping hand. 

I love his giggle (or for his benefit I will call it a "manly laugh")... which he doesn't like, but it rocks and makes me laugh when I hear it. 

I love that he has his dogs trained to do all kinds of cool tricks. 

I love that he loves his wife and kids so much. I love that when he married his wife, Kristy, he gave me a sister in law who was already my trusted friend!  and, I love that when he had kids, he blessed my kids with cousins....but mostly, sweet friends!

I love that he is a hard worker and  I love that he is a respected and intelligent man in his work place. 

I love that he has a fetish with cars and watches. like a used car salesman, always on time!

I love that if I need to buy something new, I either buy what he already owns, or ask for his opinion because he has good advice and knows a lot.

I love that He loves God and knows where his strength comes from.  

I love him because he is my brother and my friend. 

Happy Birthday, Mark!

What's that smell?

So school for most of us is just around the corner, or for some already started.  Whether the school bus will stop by to pick up the kids, or we head down the stairs after breakfast, school is starting.  I have called this "brain warm up week"....because after a long summer, it takes awhile to re group.  I am a sucker for this time of year... for freshly opened books, pencils that have never been used, and the anticipation of great things to come.  

Praying, and filled with hope that this year will be our best year yet....at least that is the request I have laid before my Heavenly Father.  Better, Lord.  Help me to be a better teacher than last year, more patient, loving, more selfless.  Help me to not be so distracted by the daily, that I miss the moments to teach that which will last for eternity.  To lay aside what I would "rather" be doing and choose what I know I am called to be doing. 

I shared this verse with my precious friend Julie, who just this year will be stepping into the rivers of the unknown...home schooling her kids.  Oh, I just see how the Lord is moving to do amazing things for them this year.  Splash on!!

As we shared the other day our hearts of wanting to impart to our kids a love for Christ, and all the other list of 55,000 things that mama's have in their hearts.  All the things they pray their children will get and grow in.  From the smallest things like good manners at the table or making their beds, to the biggest....knowing and loving their Savior, walking in His ways, ministering effectively His joy and peace and salvation to many...and so forth and so on.

So as we were sharing, the Lord showed me this verse, you know how He faithfully does that. And, so this is my prayer for my heart this year.  For my friends who also home school and for my friends who don't.  For each of us moms, regardless of our kid's place of education, who so desire to raise our children in His faithful ways, and who realize that if it is left up to us, our strength, our goodness, our human knowledge....there is no hope.  But empowered by the Spirit, we can do all things. 

                                                             2 Corinthians 2:14

But thanks be to God, (thanking Him in anticipation for all He plans to do), who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ ( walking in His victory) and through us ( us moms) spreads everywhere (to our kids, to all)  the fragrance of the knowledge of Him.  

Spreads everywhere the fragrance..of the knowledge of Him!  oh, may that be the story of my life, the story of my day.  That His fragrance would be all over me.  Like when you have that delicious smelling candle burning in your kitchen and the delight of it wafts into every room in your house....that's what I am talking about. 

That He would emanate (is this a word that means to go forth from, to flow out of??  if not, you get the point) from me.  That He would pour forth and leave a beautiful fragrance with every person I talk with, encounter in my day.   That our school room would just be filled up with the fragrance of patience, love, hope, joy, strength...His fragrance flowing through me.  

That my kids would see in me a humility of knowing my Source of strength.   That the greatest lessons learned this year would be caught and not just taught.  May they catch me in the act each morning of reading His Word, see me giving selflessly to them and others, see me serving their dad, choosing joy when  I want to not.  You know what I mean.  Fragrance. of Him.  in this home, in my heart, flowing out to others. 

So, that's all.  well, except to admit that there are days when it stinks in here.  You know, like gross, smelly, like a fog that hangs close.   That is my flesh.  Selfish, prideful, jealous, angry, impatient, unyielding, unkind.  There are days when I need to open up the windows of my heart, confess it to the One who promises to blow fresh wind in and through me.  So that I can smell fresh and sweet once again.